The One With A Birthday

I suppose I'd better get this out in the Universe and all, but today is my birthday. Now it seems back in the day I couldn't wait for it to be my birthday and now days not so much. You probably remember how it was, you couldn't wait to be 16 and learn how to drive (and in my case date). Then it was I couldn't wait to be 18, to be an adult and make adult decisions (of course now, we want the clock turned back to when life was far simpler). Next was 21 because you could legally drink and go into casinos, you know 'that' sort of thing. (Kind of a rebel stage for me, we went to Vegas for a day while on our honeymoon and it was nice not worrying about being ID'd) After that then it kind of tapers off cause then its a count down to 25, you know the whole 'Quarter of a Century' thing. Then it only gets worse from there 30, 40, etc you start counting in tens rather than all the numbers in between. You get to have your over the hill birthday party, counting the days til you can retire.

So really as you can see it just isn't all fun and games anymore. Now I've obviously not hit the 'Over the Hill' stage in life, but I'm now only a few years shy of turning 30 and in some ways its really depressing. Last year I didn't even want to celebrate my birthday, not having any friends to go out with or anyone who would plan a surprise party. Now that I'm an adult we don't really do family birthday parties anymore and even when we did half the time only about half of  my husband's family would show. My kids are too little to understand much more than their birthdays, so they constantly talk about their birthdays and they don't really sing happy birthday. So, I wanted to forget that it was even my birthday and let it go by as any other day would. I even prevented my birthday from showing on Facebook, because I didn't want a parade of birthday wishes from people who only cared or remembered because their Facebook page said it was my birthday. I wanted the wishes from people who really cared. Fat chance, right?

This year I'm trying to be more grown-up about it, although I'll probably still not do anything with anybody other than my Husband and kids. There won't be any cake or presents. I will get to go to our traditional birthday dinner to Tucanos, which if you've never been you are missing out. Wonderful array of meats cooked on a spit in Brazilian style and yummy salad bar. Its a little pricey, but sooo worth the money. Plus you sign up for their birthday club and you get a free meal with the purchase of another meal. Great for date night! I guess I can't really say no presents cause I got a combination present this year that includes our anniversary, Mother's Day, Valentine's Day and my Birthday. I got an Ipod, a Nook Tablet and a really nifty ibaby monitor so I can see baby Fallon from my Ipod, where ever I can connect to WiFi. (I haven't yet tested its usefulness when we're not home, could be really cool ;) )

Like I said I'm trying to be a better sport about this whole birthday thing. I figured if I put it out into the universe that I couldn't hide and pretend it wasn't happening. Plus the truth of the matter is I'll still be getting a year older, might as well own up to it. You know what I'd love to do for my birthday, aside from be with my cute little family, I'd love to have a total girls day. The kind where I go out with my closest and best girlfriends, get manis & pedis, go to lunch somewhere yummy, maybe even have a spa day, go shopping (actually have money to spend), maybe an afternoon movie and get to enjoy myself without stressing about where my kids are at and please don't let them have broke something. Then end my day with dinner and a movie with the Love of my Life. That would be a perfect day.

Its a nice dream and maybe someday I'll get to enjoy all that. For now I'll just try to appreciate my four beautiful miracle kids and an amazing Husband, who loves me endlessly. And know that they love me and need me. So Happy Birthday to me! (Oh by the way, I still can't get my birthday to show on FB, go figure!)

The Question of Monetizing

I'm sure many of you fellow bloggers take advantage of the opportunity to monetize your blogs by allowing ads to be displayed on your accounts. My question is, would this be a worthwhile thing for me to set up in order to bring in some extra money? I mean is it really worth giving up space for the ads and would you recommend this to other bloggers? Money has been tight since they changed the hours at my husband's work and so its required some major budget changes and often its been living barely from paycheck to paycheck. Anything I can do, and can do from home to help is a very good thing. What do you all suggest?

Welcome To the World Check-Up

 Isn't he so cute? I kind of hate how I have missed out on these sweet moments where the baby gets their first official sponge bath and checked out. But luckily I have an amazing Husband who takes pictures of these sweet moments so I can enjoy them too. 

Can you see his red hair in the last photo? I was delighted that he was a red head. I had a dream about a month before he was born that he had red hair when he was born. I'm glad it came true!

I love my sweet boy!

Writer's Workshop: How to Survive Meeting the Parents

I haven't done any in quite a while, but I love participating in Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop. Want something new to write about, then head on over and join in all the fun.

 

Future. In-laws. Boyfriend's. Parents. Can there be anything more nerve wracking or potentially embarrassing? I don't know anybody who hasn't dreading meeting your significant other's parents. The fears and worries rush through your mind: will they like me, am I smart enough, good enough? We want it to go well, but we were not raised the same way and therefore, there is potential for them to not like you.

I remember all too well when I met my Husband's, although he was just my boyfriend at the time, parents. They seemed pretty quiet to me back then, I mean his Dad kind of has a temper, but they never really talked to me. I'm not sure if it was a matter of they didn't like me or didn't approve of me. But I remember the first time his Dad actually said anything to me, cause its not something I could ever forget. We'd actually been dating on and off for almost a year and a half at that point. Christopher had joined the Army Reserves and he had just shipped out to Basic training. I'd been helping him pack up all his stuff to be put in storage while he was away for six months. 

We hadn't quite gotten all of it packed, we had a few distractions. So, I arranged with his Mom to come and help finish packing. I arrived bright and early the Saturday following his departure. Following about an hour's worth of work, I was invited to join them for breakfast. Now Christopher and I had gotten engaged the day before we graduated from high school and then had kind of put it off for a while, so we were kind of on  a we'll get married when you get home kind of a thing. (We did that a few times). Anyway, as we were eating breakfast his Dad suddenly says, "Christopher needs to serve a mission."

Now for those of you who don't know, the LDS Church asks the young men of the Church ages 21 to 25 to serve a mission. On a mission they go and teach people about the Church and the Gospel. A mission lasts two years, and during that time they can't date or anything like that. Its a big deal to serve a mission. So, his Dad was kind of implying that I was perhaps a distraction and that I needed to encourage him to serve. I was kind of embarrassed. I mean his Dad had never said more than two words to me and now I was getting lectured about what his son should be doing. And what he should be doing was not getting serious with me. I mean what does a girl say to that? Apparently our being serious was kind of low on their list of expectations. 

Needless to say, I had a hard time carrying on a conversation with either one of them for the rest of the morning and found myself making early apologies and getting out of there. It took a long time before his parents really warmed up to me and of course his Dad & I are very close these days. But in the beginning not so much. I'm glad I only had to go through that experience once, once was bad enough!

The Hardest Part Is Letting Go

I know its been awhile since I've posted anything really new, more catching up than anything else. The last few months have been some of the hardest for me and I know no excuse is really good enough, but here is mine.

 

This beautiful and amazing lady is my Grandma, my Mom's mom and on April 11, 2012 she left us unexpectedly five days after my son was born. It really was unexpected and the lose has been devastating.

My Dad called me about 9PM on the 11th and told me that they were up at the hospital with my Grandma. The Dr wasn't allowing anyone in and so there wasn't really much to tell at the time. So I told him to call me when they did know something no matter how late. About an hour or so later, he called me again and of course the first thing I asked was, "So what did they find out?" The next words were not what I was expecting to hear. "Grandma died." My world came crashing down around me. I kept saying no, no she can't be. My Dad got me to hand over the phone to my Husband and he gave what details he could to him, since I was a wreck. I didn't find out all the details until later and I won't go into all of them for you, as it is very painful for me to talk about. She died of a massive heart attack and they were unable to resuscitate her after over an hour of trying.

It truly shook me to my very core. That night was the last time I cried about it for over a month following her death. I haven't told anyone this, but I felt total and complete guilt that I couldn't share with anyone. My Grandma has become more housebound over the last few years and although we only live about 2 hours away, we rarely went to visit her. There was always some reason we couldn't or rather wouldn't. You know too  much gas, not enough time, we're too busy, etc. A world full of excuses that really aren't good enough, especially to keep you away from your family. I almost hate myself for allowing these petty reasons to have kept me from visiting her.

Since I'd had Fallon the weekend before, we actually got to see her twice. My Mom brought her to come meet her newest great grand son. I can't tell you how much I loved seeing her hold him and talk to him. Telling me who she thought he looked like and how cute he was. My older kids usually have a harder time giving her hugs and stuff because we don't visit very often. So it almost always requires lots of coaxing to get them to do it. But when it came time for her to leave my kids ran over to give her hugs and kisses. It took no coaxing at all and Rhiannon willing went to her to be held. I believe that my kids knew something the rest of us didn't.

She got to come back and visit the next evening when my Aunt & Uncle came to visit after the big family Easter egg hunt. Again to see her hold Fallon just warmed my heart, but I had no idea what was coming. No idea that her visit that day was the last time I'd see her alive. The thing that kills me about that last visit, was that I didn't get out of my hospital bed to hug her goodbye or even tell her how much I loved her. How could I have been so thoughtless? And now its too late. There is no way to turn back time and change that moment. Its going to haunt me for the rest of my life.  In one moment my beloved Grandma was gone.

Unfortunately with the distance that I live from where my family lives, I couldn't help my Mom & Aunt as they made funeral arrangements or began straightening her house in order to find important documents. The funeral was held on Saturday, April 21st and she was buried in South Jordan, Utah next to her parents. In a few months her beautiful blue marble headstone brought in from Australia will be put up and we're actually having a headstone placement party. Kind of silly, but a good reason to get everyone together.

It took me over a month before I allowed myself to break down again and mourn my loss. It continues to weigh heavy on my heart and I'm sure in a matter of time it will be easier to bear. Although it was very sad, some beautiful miraculous things have happened because of her death. After I found out she'd past away, I began to stress about how I was going to tell Aidan (4) and Aislynn (3) that she had died, especially since we'd seen her just days before. I didn't know how to tell them and have them understand. I just didn't know. The night after she died, I went to an activity with some women in my LDS Ward in order to have something else to focus on for awhile. While I was gone Aidan and Aislynn walked up to my Husband and told him, "Great Grandma Welsh died. She's in the forest." He naturally assumed that I had told them. Two days later, I was saying that I still didn't know how to tell them and he gave me a funny look, "Didn't you already tell them?" I shook my head and he proceeded to tell me the story.

I feel very strongly that she came to see my kids and tell them for me, so I didn't have to worry about it. I recently asked both of them how they found out. I was told that Great Grandma and Grandpa (now what grandpa I'm not sure, but it could be an older gentleman that would be 'Grandpa' in title) told them. Aislynn said that Grandma told her to go to sleep and that Aidan was already sleeping. She said she was wearing red, blue, orange, green, pink, colors of the rainbow. I guess I'll never be 100% certain of who came to them, but I believe that someone came to relieve me of that burden.

Others in my family have had various experiences since her death, that conveyed messages that she was alright and that her trials are over. Beautiful and comforting things. I was sort of upset that everyone but me had been given that kind of comfort. So about two weeks ago, I dreamed of her and my Great Grandma. There was something so very real about what I saw, that I have no doubt that it was my message. I was at a house, one I had never seen before and both Grandmas were carrying in groceries from the car to get ready to cook dinner. They were both old in appearance, so in a way that I would recognize them, but both had a spring in their step that hadn't been there for a long time in life. Neither one was hunched over or using a cane. There was just this peace about them. My Mom asked me if they had been aware of my presence and they were. They talked to me about eating dinner with them. I know that they didn't come right out and say we're OK or anything, but it was the subtlety of the message that I feel was the point. I was being given a glimpse into heaven and that they both were together, Mother & Daughter and were very happy.

I hope you don't all think I'm crazy. This has been a very personal experience, but I feel strongly the need to share. I'm so grateful to have known my Grandma and for the blessings she has brought into my life. I will miss her greatly, but I know I'll see her again someday.

Clara Delilah Eggett Welsh

January 20, 1940  ~  April 11, 2012

Our beloved mother, grandmother, great grandmother, sister, aunt, cousin, teacher and friend passed away unexpectedly on April 11, 2012, at the age of 72. Born January 20, 1940 in Murray, Utah to Hyrum Thomas and Wanda Kidd Eggett. She was the first in a family of 11 children. She attended Bountiful High School, graduated in 1958, and graduated from Weber State College in 1968. She married John Vincent Welsh on September 8, 1962, and together they had two daughters. They were later divorced.
She was an elementary school teacher for 33 years in the Davis County School District teaching second grade at South Bountiful Elementary for five years, and third grade at Tolman Elementary for 28 years. She taught over 900 students, many of whom were children of her former students. She was active in the LDS Church and was a member of the Bountiful 26th Ward where she held numerous callings. She had a very strong testimony of her Savior and was always willing to share her thoughts and stories with anyone who was in need.
She was fun loving, full of life and cared more for others than herself. She was a loving mother of two daughters and her family was her whole world. She was passionate about the importance of having close family ties and was surrounded by a very caring extended family from all sides. She will always be missed and never forgotten. All of us that were blessed to have had her in our lives are better people for having known her. Life here on earth is not forever, Love Is.
She is survived by her daughters, Ginger (Mike) Johnson, Tamara (Mark) Lee; 8 grandchildren; 5 great grandchildren; 4 brothers, 5 sisters; plus nieces and nephews. Preceded in death by her parents, one brother, a son-in-law, a granddaughter and two nephews.

Then A Miracle is Born...

After all our waiting, the day had finally arrived for us to welcome our newest  miracle to the world. The morning of the April 6th came and I was all nerves. You would have thought I'd never had a baby before. Part of it was I was so excited to hold my son in my arms and the other part was it meant that all the problems my pregnancy had brought would be over.

I had been told to not eat or drink anything after midnight, which made being up in the morning difficult because of course I wanted to have a glass of water or something to eat. We needed to be at the hospital at noon and the c-section was scheduled to start at 1PM. We kissed our other kids goodbye, leaving them with my sister-in-law and made our way to the hospital.

We arrived right at noon and it took them a few minutes to make sure my room was ready for me. My room was located right next to the doors that led to the c-section rooms. I got dressed in my oh so wonderful hospital gown and got situated on my hospital bed. Then the waiting began. (and boy do I hate waiting!) It took two pokes to get my IV started and I pointed out that it had been 12 hours since I'd had anything to drink, so I was dehydrated. When I get dehydrated my veins shrink and sink deeper in my arms. The first poke actually was decent, but she had to fish a little and ended up blowing  the vein. I ended up with a very dark bruise there.

They asked all the standard questions for before any surgical procedure and I signed four or five different papers consenting to this and consenting to that. My nurse told me that another nurse would be going back with me to my procedure. She also said that we were waiting for my Dr to come talk to me, the anesthesia nurse and to be hooked up to some antibiotics. Well the wait for my Dr wasn't very long, he came in and we talked about what his plans were. Go in and cut in the same place as all my previous surgeries & c-sections. He said there would probably be a decent amount of scar tissue and that would make it take a little bit longer. He headed off to get ready for the c-section. Now to wait for the anesthesia nurse. He took a lot longer because he was taking care of two other ladies who were delivering vaginally.

That wait proved to be a very long one. My 'cut time' as the nurse called came and went. Two o'clock arrived and we were still waiting. I texted a few people to let them know we were at the hospital waiting and I turned on the TV so I had something to focus on. Christopher was playing Sudoku on his Nook and talking to me occasionally. The longer I waited, the more nervous I became. Finally at about 2:15 the anesthesia nurse came in and talked to me. We talked about the spinal block he was going to do and what to kind of expect. I told him I was claustrophobic and that I had experienced panic attacks on the operating table before. He said he'd do everything he could to help keep me calm. I also got to drink that lovely little drink, that helps neutralize the acids in your stomach, but tastes very tart and kind of nasty.

Then just about ten mins or so later I was saying goodbye to my Husband (he was getting dressed in his very attractive white jump suit and cap) and making the fairly short walk down the hall to the OR. The butterflies in my stomach intensified the closer I got, but so did my excitement. I climbed up on the operating table with some help and watched out the big windows to see the snow that had started falling about 1 o'clock and was still coming down in big puffy flakes, so much for the warm April weather we'd been enjoying. The nurses talked to me and we talked about plans for Easter, which mine of course consisted of staying in the hospital.

I knew exactly what to do when they gave me my spinal and actually got compliments on being so calm about getting it. I knew it was something I had to endure and so I did, simple as that. Besides after all I've been through needles don't bother me. They helped me lay down and they started prepping me. I got to wear some lovely monitors, a blood pressure cuff and some oxygen. My blood pressure started to drop and I started to get a little panicky. I let the anesthesia nurse, uhm, I think his name was Mike, know that I was starting to feel panicky. That my chest felt heavy and I felt nauseous. He gave me some meds through my IV to help bring my blood pressure up.

It seemed that keeping my blood pressure up was very difficult this time around and so he had to keep giving me something to bring it back up. I normally run 100/60 and at one point my blood pressure dropped to like 68/32, not cool at all. Christopher came in to join us once I was settled in and he got ready to take pictures of our son. My first c-section to deliver Aislynn was a pretty bad experience and Rhiannon's was a piece of cake all things considered, but Fallon's proved to be almost as bad as Aislynn's. (Remind me to tell you that story later) Apparently there was a lot of scar tissue and it caused a lot of trouble for them to get in there. And then Fallon was kind of stuck under my ribcage, even though he was heads down. In a normal c-section the mom feels lots of tugging and pressure, its kind of disconcerting, but doable. The amount of pressure and tugging I felt during this c-section was awful. At one point I could swear the other Dr, who was assisting, was sitting on my abdomen  and pushing with all his might. (I'll have to ask my Hubby if that was the case, LOL)

I was struggling to stay calm. I kept reminding myself that all the pain and misery the pregnancy had caused me, as well as the current pain & misery was all worth it for that sweet baby boy. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, Fallon Robert came into the world. As soon as I heard his cry, I started to bawl. My miracle baby was finally here! The nurse came over and told me that Fallon was a red head (something I had dreamed about.) She also said he had a big boy head. So, Fallon was born at 2:52 PM and weighed in at 6lbs 13oz 19.5inches long (my second biggest baby and my longest baby) They finally brought him over to me and I got to see my son for the first time. I was crying and I just wanted to hold him. Of course not an option being strapped to the table while they put me back together. They got a couple pictures of us together, then Christopher went with the nurses and the baby to the nursery.

I just had to endure the putting back part of the surgery. It took another 30 to 45 mins and then they took me back to my room, to recover for about an hour. I was hurting pretty bad and was feeling quite sick to my stomach. So, between the pain meds they were pushing through my IV during the surgery and after I had all that they could give me at the time. I have a low pain tolerance unfortunately and so I still was pretty miserable. Christopher joined me just over an hour later, just as they were getting ready to take me to my room on Mom & Baby floor. I couldn't wait to hold my baby.

Within about ten minutes of being situated in my new room and talking to my nurse &  her assistant, they finally brought me Fallon. He was so tiny and so perfect. I opted to try and nurse him right away. And of all my kids he was the only one who took to nursing right away, we had very little trouble and I didn't have to use my breast shield more than once.

We stayed a total of five days in the hospital and we got to go home together, which was pretty amazing. Aidan was my only other baby who got to leave when I was discharged. I had tons of fun getting to call everyone to let everyone know that our little guy was here, including my Grandfather, who lives in Colorado. We had quite a few visitors, which was really nice. My Mom, sister C, brother D and my Grandma (my mom's mom) came to see us the first night. Christopher's parents and kid sister came to visit too, along with my other three kids. We had like thirteen people in my room and it was a tight fit, but so worth it. My sister J, came the next morning to visit. My aunt and uncle, my cousin and my grandma came to visit it that night. (It was nice having my grandma come back to visit) My mother-in-law came to visit again Sunday afternoon, at the same time my kids came to celebrate Easter with me. My sister A and her husband came to visit Monday morning (she's trying to have a baby and had actually been due three days after my due date, but she miscarried at about 12 weeks and hadn't found out til 20 weeks) My Dad and Mom came that night and enjoyed a much quieter visit. Then I got to leave the hospital the next day.

Such a crazy weekend, but all so worth it. My sweet Fallon, truly is my miracle baby, as are all my kids. I was told when I was 18 that I had endometriosis and that I might not ever be able to have kids. So each of my beautiful babies has been such a blessing and miracle to us. I'm glad that I have each and everyone of them.