In a world with a 4 year old, a 3 year old, a 16 month old, a 3 month old and two soldiers you never know what misadventures await. Life is always springing the unexpected and I want to share them with you. Welcome to my world.
I'm sure you all remember that sad poem I wrote back at the beginning of June, I Might... Well, I finally feel like I can talk about what was going on that day. We miscarried that day and I'll be honest I was devastated. It was so early they couldn't even get a positive pregnancy test, but sad that it was the kind where the egg can't attach to the uterine wall. I hurt physically and emotionally. I wasn't feeling comfortable sharing with anyone what I was going through, so I vented through the poem. Apparently, we're having a bit of bad luck because I spent time in the ER on Friday due to some bleeding, horrific cramps and a sharp pain over my left ovary following two very faint pregnancy tests. Unfortunately, when they went to get my HCG count, they found that there was no longer any in my system, meaning we'd miscarried around the time I got my positive tests. I guess it was a relief to know it wasn't an eptopic pregnancy, but they did find I'd had a cyst on my left ovary that had burst that afternoon (the cause of the sharp pain) and I have one on my right ovary, just waiting to burst.
So once again I'm no longer pregnant and I feel so devastated. Now that the pain (physically) is starting to subside, I'm finding I'm struggling emotionally. Two miscarriages within two months of each other is a blow to anyone I'd imagine, but we have such a hard time getting pregnant and I know my time for having my own kids is running out, it worries me that maybe it won't happen. We know that we are missing someone in our family and so, I feel almost desperate to get them here before the window of opportunity is gone.
We had to pick up some prescriptions following my ER visit and the moment I saw the pregnancy tests on the aisle by the heating pads, I burst into tears. I was so excited when I saw those lines, as faint as they were. I knew it meant I was pregnant, but my sweet husband wanted to be more sure wait for a darker line. We wouldn't have told anyone until after the first trimester, I felt we needed to wait that long. Obviously for a reason. I feel so empty. I hate that. So here is my bad tidings & some heartache. Hopefully we'll be able to talk about good tidings soon. Keep me in your prayers! I'm going to need it!
Since summer began we've been twice to the local zoo. My kids have absolutely loved it. We even dragged my brother & sister-in-law plus their new baby with us on the 4th of July when military got in free. I think the two things, I guess make that three things my kids have loved the most during bIoth visits were the tigers, the wolves and the dinosaurs. Yes, you heard me right dinosaurs. This summer is their Zoorassic event. They have 13 animatronic dinosaurs spread throughout the zoo and boy, do my kids love them. Especially the ones that spit water. I have some fun pictures.
The coolest story from both trips to the zoo actually involve the wolves. In all the years I've lived in Utah and been to the zoo here I have never seen the wolves awake and moving. Sad, but true. I love to tell people about a trip to the Milwaukee Zoo when I was a kid, where on their mile & a half wolf walk and there were no wolves to be seen. My sister, J, was a tiny newborn and she suddenly decided to let out a mighty wail and suddenly there was a wolf within a few feet of the fence pacing. Then other wolves began popping up all over the place. She'd brought out the Mama Wolf. I remember that all these years later and how cool that was. We have a pure breed Malamute and we have a Wolamute (1/4 wolf and 3/4 Malamute), so I decided the first time we went to zoo this summer to see if I could call out the wolves by making the same noises I use with my dogs. Within about 2 mins we suddenly had a male wolf pacing the fence and he'd come out of nowhere. Yeah, me! We decided that he could smell our female dogs on us and both dogs were getting ready to go into heat.
Well our second visit to the zoo, I tried to do the same thing and sadly it didn't work, but after standing their ten minutes Rhiannon started babbling and suddenly the female wolf was down by the fence line pacing. I don't know what it is, but we have lots of luck with the wolves. We had so much fun! My kids keep asking to go back to the zoo. We'll see, but I do want to make a winter visit since the animals will be way more active. ;)