Yes, you read that right, I'm a small bundle of nerves. (Or rather a large rotund bundle of nerves) I got my orders to start drilling again and my first Drill back is this weekend. And boy am I nervous. I mean really nervous. Its not that I haven't done this before, although it hasn't been in three & a half years. I think my big worry is that I'm 4 months pregnant this time around and that changes everything. I mean being pregnant was why I went into IRR in the first place and this time I'm sticking it out, as long as everything goes ok. But even then it will be me having to make up the drills I miss later.
I'm nervous about how I'm going to be treated. I want to be a good soldier, but I know I have limitations and I don't want anyone thinking less of me because of it. My Unit can be ruthless, especially a good portion of the female soldiers. My Hubby and I will be in the same unit, although two different platoons. I worry about not living up to the kind of soldier he is. He's well liked, in fact more than well liked, everybody loves him. He's the go to guy when his leadership want something done and done right. I want to be that kind of soldier and I'm afraid I won't live up to it. I have big shoes to fill and follow in.
It scares the crap out of me. There is a NCO who didn't like me before I went into IRR and she's back, I'm afraid of what misery she's going to cause me. She liked me fine until I failed my first PT test and then I was no longer one of her favorites. After that she was very cruel emotionally and she's been harassing my Hubby about us being sure about me coming back. I don't want her to win. I don't know how to be this super soldier. So I'm scared. I'm not afraid to admit it to you, my friends and confidantes, but to anyone else I am. I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any suggestions?