Never knew I could feel like this

Like I've never seen the sky before

When I met the heavyset red head with what appeared to be a bad attempt at an Afro, outside the Driver's Ed range at the end of sophomore year little did I realize the journey that lay before us. Although I felt that this was our first meeting, I have been told on numerous occasions he'd seen me around and that we even hung out with the same group of friends. In my memory it began with throwing sticks.

I was waiting for my Mom to come pick me up after range, sitting patiently reading my book underneath a very tall tree on the property of an LDS Church. I was minding my own business, reading my book, when the first twig sailed through the air and hit my back. Paying little attention to it, I kept reading until a second twig hit me. Apparently he was trying to get my attention and for whatever reason, I felt irritated at being interrupted. At the time I had very few friends and found my comfort & solace in my books. (Ironically enough so did he) When he had my attention, he asked what I was reading and so we talked back & forth about books we liked (I begrudgingly answered his questions). His name was Chris.

This was just the beginning of many conversations between us that week. One even included me throwing his leather pouch on the roof of the Church (accidentally) and his being gone so long, I thought he'd fallen off the roof. (Remind me to tell you that story later) My Mom asked me that first day who that young man was and I told her, "Just a guy." We even gave him a ride part of the way home, for whatever reason he wouldn't tell us where he lived just told us to drop him off by a local grocery store. I often wondered why he didn't want me to know where he lived. (He informed me that he just didn't want to inconvenience us.)

While we were friendly with each other, I felt he was very weird and wasn't keen on being too friendly. That summer I got a phone call from someone, who addressed themself as 'Stopher' and I had no idea who it was. I awkwardly carried on a conversation with him, not exactly sure who it was. I told him about being in a community play in a few weeks and that he should come see it. (Free publicity) He and a friend showed up to see my show and came backstage to talk to me, which eventually got them kicked out and they weren't even allowed to finish watching the play. Then the new school year began.

I found that the random phone call that summer had been inspired by a message I had inscribed in his yearbook giving him my number and to call me. I didn't actually think he'd call me and signed it more out of habit. (Sad I know, I find I was kind of shallow back then) With school back in session, I found that Chris was everywhere and I began to find him more annoying then ever. I mean he was nice, but since I felt that I could go nowhere without him being there, it got old fast. I tease him all the time about being my stalker and he always vehemently denies it. I figure it was more how I felt about him and his being 'everywhere' then his really stalking me, but its fun to tease him! Finally I told him I didn't like him and that I wanted him to leave me alone. I was blunt about it and didn't really care initially about his feelings at all. I was very much a stuck up teenage girl, which is strange since I had very few friends.

I saw him all the time in the halls after that and he'd see me & look away with the saddest look on his face. It did make me feel bad, but I couldn't get over the idea that he'd been stalking me. Eventually my nice side won out and I began talking to him again, but it was still really awkward which I was to blame since I'd told him to get lost. Chris was doing tech for the Spring musical that I was in, so it gave us casual opportunities to talk without too much pressure. Then I admit I did a really shallow thing and although it worked out to my benefit, it reflects badly on me. Prom was coming up and I had no prospects on getting a date for the big dance. So I conceived a plan to convince Chris to take me. Dragging my best friend along for the ride and getting her involved, we teased him about knowing a girl that wanted him to take her to the dance. I think he enjoyed the attention it got him from both of us girls and eventually, after he'd guessed a number of girls (think he was playing along and secretly knew the whole time) I told him it was me. He did appear to be very shocked and told me that he had no money. I told him it wasn't a big deal. I was surprised at how disappointed I was that he couldn't take me.

Then one night he told me he wanted to take me out to make up for not being able to take me to the dance. I asked him where & when, he said The Provo Towne Mall, which I thought was an odd place to take me for a date. Then he said on the 13th of April. It took a few moments before it clicked, he was asking me to Prom. For whatever reason they thought it was a cool idea to do Prom  at the mall since Utah's Capital building was under construction (its where Prom normally was). I was tickled pink, but as the day approached I began to get nervous. We had never been on a date and they had planned this elaborate all day thing. So what would happen if I found I really didn't like him and I was stuck all day with him?

April 13th dawned a nice sunny day and Chris & my best friend's date arrived at about 9am to take us to breakfast. While I wasn't impressed with the food, I actually found I was enjoying myself. Then we headed to meet a group of friends at a park just below the Mount Timpanogas Temple to play board games. I played Risk for the first time in my life and actually found it to be kind of fun. Not a game I want to play every day, but I had fun. Then we headed for lunch at Subway and found another park closer to where lunch was to play more games before we had to head back to get all dressed up.

I really was having more fun then I'd expected and as I headed off to get my hair & make-up done by a friend, I was nervous again. I wore a dark forest green dress and my hair was pinned up in curls. When Chris arrived I was surprised (and a little embarrassed even) when I walked into my living room to see my date wearing a top hat, tux, gloves and even a cane. I think I was embarrassed more because he'd done it for me and he looked really nice. (Shh don't tell him I said that) After he put on my wrist corsage and I'd pinned his boutonniere on him, we headed to dinner. My first experience at Macaroni Grill, which was very yummy and I totally loved that I could draw on the table. (See I have my child-like moments) I'll admit that the dish that he got kind of grossed me out, especially when he slurped out the oyster or whatever it was out of its shell. I probably turned a few shades of green.

We made our entrance into the dance, but found that we had so very little time. My parents were very strict on my curfew and although the dance was a big deal, I had not been given an extension. So we made the decision to dance a few dances, then waited in line for pictures. The pictures turned out really cute. (If I can find my copies I'll post them up) Then we packed up and headed back to my house. I was sad that our night was ending so soon. I really had had a blast. He had surprised me, quite pleasantly. We actually sat around at my house talking with my parents for half hour after we got back. With a hug goodbye, I think I realized that things were going to be different.

We began dating. I'll admit as much as I loved talking with him and being with him, there was a certain physical aspect that seemed to draw us together. My parents had this crazy rule that every two dates with the same boy, I had to go out with someone else. I see now what they were trying to do, but they themselves have admitted to me that they found ways to break that very rule when they were dating. And like them, Chris and I found ways to break that rule too. I don't remember the first time we kissed exactly, more that it was the best kiss I'd ever had, which was only the second one ever. I was starting to fall in love with him and I was scared.

Want to vanish inside your kiss
Everyday I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
 I will love you until my dying day

Our early romance seemed to burn very bright and very hot, for a time anyway. I was afraid. I was falling in love and wasn't ready to be. I asked him to MORP by cutting up my question and taping individual letters on pieces of candy in a big jar. We tied balloons to the jar and my sisters delivered it, while I spied from the back of the car. His response was given with a romantic poem and a heart full of kisses (chocolate ones, that is). My best friend and I made our dates & ourselves matching tied-dyed shirts. They said 'He's with me' and 'She's with me.' We went to the local amusement park and rode on all the rides & had a picnic in the middle of the park. Unfortunately, Chris got heat exhaustion and wasn't up to a whole lot after that. We watched a creepy movie at my friend's house, before we made a brief appearance at the dance. We got fun pictures done, danced a dance or two, then headed back to finish watching our movie.

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace

Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste

It all revolves around you

And there's no mountain too high no river too wide

Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side

Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide

But I love you until the end of time

That first summer was a real test for us. My parents were wanting us to slow down and he went away to work at a Boy Scout Summer camp. He only got to come home every couple of weekends. He missed my birthday and when he came back to celebrate with me, well things didn't go very well. Something had happened while he was gone, a situation that he struggled to understand and threatened to tear us apart. He didn't know how to help me and when he made a poor choice in words, I freaked out and pushed him away. We spent the whole time at my party arguing, he brought me roses and I refused to forgive him. His words had struck a nerve and I was bound & determined to never forgive him. He went back to camp and didn't come back home until just before school started. We quit talking to each other and I foolishly tried to move on. A boy at work knew the right words to say, where Chris hadn't, and I thought that I needed to be with this new boy.

We slowly managed to be friends and I began to go to him to talk. I talked about this other boy and Chris, being the sweetheart that he was, listened, although it was breaking his heart to hear me cry over another boy. The Other Boy, wasn't truly as good as he seemed and ended up lying to me & breaking my teenage heart. All the while Chris and I grew closer, but instead of it all being physical, we had become best friends. I could tell him anything and often did. We also had a bit of an interesting relationship. We were friends with benefits, at least benefits when we were hiding backstage during play practice that fall and we'd steal kisses in the curtains. We remained best friends throughout our Senior year, until something pivotal occurred. I had a dance accident in Social Dance at school the first day of November and ended up needing surgery in February. I was out of school for six weeks, before I could come back and more or less suffer through school.

Chris came to see me while I was home recovering. In fact I remember only vaguely him and a few of our other friends coming to see me the day after surgery. My girl friend had come to do my hair and make me presentable. Then when they all arrived, all I could focus on and remember of that visit was that he didn't talk to me the whole time he was there. Maybe I scared him, because apparently I looked like hell. He came a few other times to visit and talk with me. I had missed his birthday during the first few days after my surgery, so with the help of my next door neighbor I created a photo slide show for him. I had even gotten his mom to pick out pictures of him growing up and surprised him with this amazing slide show. I had spent a lot of time on it.

In the process of working on this project and being away from him for so long, I realized something. I was in love with him and I didn't want to be apart anymore. I had long forgiven him for the things he'd said that summer, it didn't matter anymore. When I came back to school I told him as much. Now it was trying to get around my parents dumb dating rule. During a camping trip with my family, my parents and I had a long talk about Chris & I. We all came to the understanding that I was in love with him and that we wanted to be able to date seriously. My parents gave us their permission and our relationship came out in the open. Which was very nice.

We started talking about getting married. I was now certain that getting married to him was what I wanted. I thought he felt that way too, but it seems a lot of that came from me pressuring him. And after a fight the night before our high school graduation, he proposed to me on the front porch of a friend's house. He asked my Dad for my hand in marriage and I delightedly told everyone our news. I hadn't been thinking of him or I had but I assumed we wanted the same thing. He ended up telling my Grandfather that he wasn't ready to get married and that he was going to tell me so later that night. So, my whole family knew the truth and I didn't. Following the graduation ceremony and celebrating with my family, Chris, my best friend, her boyfriend and I went with a group of single adults on a camp out. While we were there he broke the news to me and I was devastated.  We fought and argued.

The next day after taking a side trip to walk around the Manti Temple, we talked and even prayed together. We decided to stay engaged, but take our time before we got married. In a few weeks he was shipping off to Basic training for the Army and he wanted to be here while we planned things. I could handle that. It was really hard telling him goodbye, knowing we'd spend the next six months or so apart. We figured it would be good for us, if not easy. I wrote to him religiously the first few months, but we hit a snag in our relationship. I wanted to start planning our wedding and start figuring things out while he was gone. I had no idea at the time what he was going through at Basic and really until you've been through it you can't have any real idea.

Come what may, come what may

I will love you until my dying day

He felt pressure from me and he was under a lot of stress. He got hurt while he was there and ended up being recycled into a new Basic training company, lengthening how long he was going to be there. I don't know exactly what happened to be honest, but we got in a fight through our letters (how we managed to do that I couldn't tell you).  We quit talking to each other and didn't really talk for the last couple of months he was there. I stayed in touch with his family, they had adopted me into the family and so I heard news about him from them. When it came time for him to come home, we actually talked on the phone for like 6 hours one night. I was staying at my Grandma's for a while and since I hadn't known exactly where he and I stood with each other, I hadn't made too much of an effort to be home. After we had talked all night, he had asked me to come to his Army Unit's Christmas party with his parents and be his date. I accepted and made arrangements to get home. My best friend came over that morning and helped me get all dressed up. I was so nervous, we hadn't seen each other in six months. His parents came to pick me up and we headed to the party.

Oh there were butterflies in my stomach and I gave him a big hug when I saw him. My heart leapt into my throat. I still loved him, I realized as I looked into his green eyes, madly and desperately in love. It hadn't changed in all those months. We secretly held hands under the table and played footsies. I was in heaven.

Oh come what may, come what may

I will love you

The next couple of years presented new problems for us. Things that took work to get through and as much as we loved each other, neither one of us was always very nice to each other. Our relationship took turns we hadn't planned on and really tried us. We break up and then got engaged again multiple times. He made plans to serve an LDS mission for our Church, but things didn't work out. We got a lot of our screaming and fighting out in those years before. We loved each other, but couldn't live with or without each other. I joined the Army in 2005 and while I was gone for training. He felt he needed to be free of me, that he needed to grow and experience things. I didn't understand that need, because I needed him. I needed his support in what I was doing. I wasn't exactly getting it from home and I thought my fiance of all people should be there for me. He hardly wrote me (I know how he felt) and when he finally wrote me my first letter it was to tell me we were done. I was heartbroken and devastated. What a place to be told by the man you love that he wants to move on without you.


We kind of got back together when I came home for Christmas, but it was awkward and I knew things still weren't right. He told me while I was home that he'd volunteered to deploy to Iraq and he was just waiting on his orders. His orders came a few days after I went back to finish my training. He was gone within a couple days of that, gone to start premob training. I came home and felt lost without him. I still felt that things were off with us and that they were eventually going to come to a head. And they did. I wanted to make plans to get married when he got home from Iraq and to make plans to meet somewhere fun for his R&R. He suddenly snapped at me and told me he didn't want to make plans with me. We fought over the phone and he hung up on me. I tried to call him back and it went straight to voicemail. So I did what came to mind next, I broke up with him over his voicemail. I wanted to be with someone who wanted to make plans with me.

I attempted to move on and had my cousin set me up with a guy. A guy, I tried very hard to make things work with, he was very nice, but it just wasn't Chris. Chris and I eventually began talking again, but we were just friends. Except he hated hearing about guys hitting on me, but it was so hard to talk to him any different then I had before. We decided on things we couldn't talk about and I kept dating the other guy. I guess things hit a point for Chris when he realized he missed me and that he didn't want to live without me. He called one night and kept calling & calling. I was on a date with that other guy and finally decided to answer Chris' call. He was crying and he told me he needed to talk to me. I told him I couldn't talk right that moment and would call him later. He wanted to know why I couldn't, I didn't feel I should tell him I was on a date, but after he kept begging to know why I couldn't talk, I told him.

I think he was in shock that I was dating and it hit him hard. It took us a few days to get to talk, since the next night there was a huge sand storm where he was and cell reception sucked. We talked and he told me that he'd been stupid. That he couldn't live without me. There was something different about him, about talking to him. I felt like this time maybe it could work. So we, decided to try it again, which I know is a little weird since I wouldn't get to see him for like six months or more. My parents noticed when I put my rings back on and I got lectured about him being a flake. Look at how he's treated you, of course I wanted to point out I hadn't always been very nice myself.

Chris and I were talking one day when he mentioned that they might possibly get a couple days of leave before they went overseas. I was elated at the idea and somehow we started talking about if he got leave that we should get married. The more we talked about it the more we seemed set on it. We talked about maybe eloping, but kind of decided that we'd piss off too many people if we did that. When he finally got word that they were going to get four days of leave in a week, we decided we really were going to get married. We'd have his family's Bishop marry us at their ward house and that we'd keep it simple.

I was there at his parent's house when he called them to tell them we were getting married. His Dad had already figured out we were going to and his Mom was shocked. My parents were even more in shock. But they supported us even though I think they had concerns, we were adults after all. We were married April 15, 2006 and we're going on seven years.

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place...

Come what may, come what may

I will love you until my dying day 

I hope I haven't bored you too much with all the crazy details of my relationship with my Hubby. I really had fun finally writing out my relationship with my Hubby. Over the last 11 years, we've been through a lot and its made our marriage & relationship what it is. This was inspired by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop at Mama's Losin' It. Go check her blog out and join in all the fun!