Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

       I can think of thousands of things I want to see under my Christmas tree this year. OK, so maybe a few hundred rather then thousands, sounds so much greedier, right? There are the things I want. Then there are the things I need. Then there are the things my Hubby wants and the things he needs. Then you have the things we want as a family and the things we need. And then last but not least, what my kids want and what my kids need. That's potentially a huge list. So, where should I scrape it down to? What should be included our wants or our needs?

Santa, you know that they cut my Hubby's hours down at work. They went from the awesome (if hard on the family) 5 12-hour shifts to 4 12-hour shifts. That still got us enough overtime regularly to keep us living pretty good, but then they decided that they didn't want to have so much planned overtime and although it was going to really cost them more in hiring new guys & forced overtime, they went to four on three off, three on four off. Now, we're scrapping by, barely. My Hubby's my hero, because he signs up for as much overtime as he can, but takes his name out of the books when his poor weak wife cries about not seeing him enough or the kids not seeing him enough. (I do that more often then I should, but it gets lonely without him.)

As if cutting down his hours and the overtime wasn't enough, my health and the subsequent medical bills are wringing us dry, Santa. I suppose you know that too, though, you have this uncanny way of knowing those kind of things. Just as soon as I think I'm on the road to recovery, I get slammed by something else. Just over a week ago I had my fourth surgery for the year, yes you read right my fourth. Just days before my surgery, I got a call from the hospital saying either you pay us what you owe from prior services rendered or you pay for your responsibility for this procedure or you'll have to reschedule. After crying my eyes out, I broke down and asked my Mom if I could have some of my inheritance money from my Grandma to cover my procedure. She and my Aunt deemed it a good thing to ask for my money for. So, I spent over half of my inheritance so I could have two hernias fixed. (Not how I wanted to spend that money) And when I have my surgery, I have complications (that probably cost an arm and a leg more) and have to have my remaining ovary removed. All of which was decided and done while I was sleeping.

We wrote down what we owe to every Dr, every hospital, every pathology report, etc yesterday. I wanted to cry. Most of it belongs to me. We owe over $8200 in medical bills that aren't on payment plans, which is probably another $2000 more. Our SUV has to be renewed this month, which will have to wait til January because we need a new set of tires that will cost at least $800 to do and we're working on paying off the brakes & roters we had to replace last week (grand total of $475 and we still owe $300 on). Not quite sure where it will come from, but it has to be done our car has to be registered in order to bring it on Base where we live.

Santa, as much as I'd love to see my medical bills disappear and be paid off. As much as I'd love to be able to pay cash for our tires and brakes. To know its not a stretch to renew our only vehicle. As much as I don't want to have to ask our Bishop every two weeks for assistance with putting food on our table. The thing I want to see most under my tree this year, is presents for my kids. They don't deserve to suffer, while we do. They deserve to stay blissfully ignorant of our money troubles. I want to be able to afford to buy ridicuously large amounts of toys & books for them. To buy the boring things they need like new shoes and clothes fit for Utah's unpredicitable winter weather.

I'd sacrifice everything to do that for my kids. As it is I know they will have a few gifts under the tree and that's ok. We won't let them suffer completely because we are financially strapped. It just won't be a Christmas of extravagence. That's ok. I want to teach my kids the true meaning of Christmas and about the birth of our Savior. But there's that small childlike aspect that makes me want to shower them with gifts.

Santa, if you could just make sure that we can provide each of my four kids with a gift or two. That we can delight in seeing their little faces in the morning when they see those small stacks and be excited. That's all this Mommy really wants.

Thank you, Santa for listening to this poor Mommy vent. Merry Christmas to you Santa.

Sincerely, Aidan, Aislynn, Rhiannon & Fallon's Mommy


Inspired by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop. Check out her amazing blog, Mama's Losin' It and join the fun that occurs every week.