Writer's Workshop: What Made Me Laugh

There is always something going on at my house that either makes you laugh hysterically or scream....hysterically! I have four kids under 5, so things can be chaotic and crazy, but boy do we have some fun things to laugh at. So my funny story for the week actually happened on Tuesday night. I was watching an episode of Lost (yes, I'm way behind the times!) and reading blogs on my laptop, when suddenly there was this weird revving buzz sound. It wasn't super loud, so I assumed it was something on my computer, I'd just opened a couple new tabs on my Internet browser, so I muted my computer and the noise stopped. I figured I'd fixed the problem and went back to what I was doing, but then I heard it again and thought, 'Man, is that a background noise on Lost?' I tried pausing the episode and still I could hear it. Then it clicked, I'd set my Hubby's ring tone on my new phone as a revving motorcycle and that was the noise I was hearing. My phone was by my feet for some reason and he'd been trying to call me. When I answered, I was laughing so hard, because I felt so dumb that I had totally forgotten his ring tone. Hurray for stupid things to laugh at to make your day!


This is courtesy of Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop! Love, love,  love this and enjoy participating when I can! Drop by her blog and join in all the fun!

Where 2013 Takes Me

I only had two goals for 2013 and really they encompass so much, that they could be headers for a multitude of mini goals. But for me its easier to just keep it at the two and see where they take me. Now mind you its two goals and  not two New Year's resolutions, because I can never seem to keep New Year's resolutions, so I felt if I made them goals maybe I'd have better results. Lol!

The first goal was to get healthy. Like I said really broad, but the plan is to get my health back on track. A big part of that is no surgeries in 2013! I'm already almost a month into the year and no plans for any surgeries (there isn't much left for them to take out! *Knock on wood!*) I have plans to lose weight and get back into shape. I've gotten kind of flabby over the last five years, you know four kids & 7 abdominal surgeries is all!

But those all kind of feel like they're on the back burner at the moment. I think my priority is to figure out what's going on with my body. I started having days with some pretty bad body aches, aches that are everywhere, but have focal points in my lower back, my hips, my knees, my neck. So bad I can't sleep and I toss & turn, crying out. My poor hubby has to endure it on the nights he's actually home, poor guy. I'm so exhausted from poor sleep, but a general drained out feeling. So I had some x-rays done of my one knee and I'll be doing some blood work this week. My Dr is checking for any autoimmune diseases and osteoarthritis. And if nothing pops up there, then it may mean I have Fibromyalgia. Something my Dad was diagnosed with some time ago. So everybody keep me in your prayers!

My other goal is to be a better me!  I know, I know. Another very broad goal, but its a valid one. I want to become a better mommy, wife, student, quilter, writer and just a better me! I want to feel more comfortable with who I am. All the time I've been sick and even now while I have more bad days then good, I have drawn into myself and become a recluse. I hate it! I used to have fun and want to be out doing fun things. I want to be the fun mom who takes my kids to do fun things. I want to be the wife who romances the socks off my hubby and doesn't have to be taken care of all the time. I just want to be a better me!

Anyway, those are my goals. We'll see where 2013 takes me!

I Still...

Alive! If barely. On top of the wonderful Holiday season, I have been plagued by post-op pains, strep, a nasty cold and migraines! I'm ready to be done and start my New Year! So, I proof I'm alive and here's to posting Christmas photos in the next day or so. Love to you all!

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

       I can think of thousands of things I want to see under my Christmas tree this year. OK, so maybe a few hundred rather then thousands, sounds so much greedier, right? There are the things I want. Then there are the things I need. Then there are the things my Hubby wants and the things he needs. Then you have the things we want as a family and the things we need. And then last but not least, what my kids want and what my kids need. That's potentially a huge list. So, where should I scrape it down to? What should be included our wants or our needs?

Santa, you know that they cut my Hubby's hours down at work. They went from the awesome (if hard on the family) 5 12-hour shifts to 4 12-hour shifts. That still got us enough overtime regularly to keep us living pretty good, but then they decided that they didn't want to have so much planned overtime and although it was going to really cost them more in hiring new guys & forced overtime, they went to four on three off, three on four off. Now, we're scrapping by, barely. My Hubby's my hero, because he signs up for as much overtime as he can, but takes his name out of the books when his poor weak wife cries about not seeing him enough or the kids not seeing him enough. (I do that more often then I should, but it gets lonely without him.)

As if cutting down his hours and the overtime wasn't enough, my health and the subsequent medical bills are wringing us dry, Santa. I suppose you know that too, though, you have this uncanny way of knowing those kind of things. Just as soon as I think I'm on the road to recovery, I get slammed by something else. Just over a week ago I had my fourth surgery for the year, yes you read right my fourth. Just days before my surgery, I got a call from the hospital saying either you pay us what you owe from prior services rendered or you pay for your responsibility for this procedure or you'll have to reschedule. After crying my eyes out, I broke down and asked my Mom if I could have some of my inheritance money from my Grandma to cover my procedure. She and my Aunt deemed it a good thing to ask for my money for. So, I spent over half of my inheritance so I could have two hernias fixed. (Not how I wanted to spend that money) And when I have my surgery, I have complications (that probably cost an arm and a leg more) and have to have my remaining ovary removed. All of which was decided and done while I was sleeping.

We wrote down what we owe to every Dr, every hospital, every pathology report, etc yesterday. I wanted to cry. Most of it belongs to me. We owe over $8200 in medical bills that aren't on payment plans, which is probably another $2000 more. Our SUV has to be renewed this month, which will have to wait til January because we need a new set of tires that will cost at least $800 to do and we're working on paying off the brakes & roters we had to replace last week (grand total of $475 and we still owe $300 on). Not quite sure where it will come from, but it has to be done our car has to be registered in order to bring it on Base where we live.

Santa, as much as I'd love to see my medical bills disappear and be paid off. As much as I'd love to be able to pay cash for our tires and brakes. To know its not a stretch to renew our only vehicle. As much as I don't want to have to ask our Bishop every two weeks for assistance with putting food on our table. The thing I want to see most under my tree this year, is presents for my kids. They don't deserve to suffer, while we do. They deserve to stay blissfully ignorant of our money troubles. I want to be able to afford to buy ridicuously large amounts of toys & books for them. To buy the boring things they need like new shoes and clothes fit for Utah's unpredicitable winter weather.

I'd sacrifice everything to do that for my kids. As it is I know they will have a few gifts under the tree and that's ok. We won't let them suffer completely because we are financially strapped. It just won't be a Christmas of extravagence. That's ok. I want to teach my kids the true meaning of Christmas and about the birth of our Savior. But there's that small childlike aspect that makes me want to shower them with gifts.

Santa, if you could just make sure that we can provide each of my four kids with a gift or two. That we can delight in seeing their little faces in the morning when they see those small stacks and be excited. That's all this Mommy really wants.

Thank you, Santa for listening to this poor Mommy vent. Merry Christmas to you Santa.

Sincerely, Aidan, Aislynn, Rhiannon & Fallon's Mommy


Inspired by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop. Check out her amazing blog, Mama's Losin' It and join the fun that occurs every week.

Writer's Workshop: The Changing Friendship of Married Friends

I was inspired by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop prompts, which this one was from a few months ago and I was intrigued enough to write this one. If you're in need of a good writing prompt go over and check out her blog, she always has the most unique things to write about!


Marriage. Its a life changing and beautiful step in a person's life. Everybody talks about learning to live with each others weird quirks like the toilet paper roll that feeds over vs under, rolling the toothpaste tube vs not, even to who sleeps on what side of the bed. Its often those kind of big changes that we focus on, but the one change that isn't truly talked about until well after you're fully ensconced in wedded bliss is:

What Happens To The Changing Friendship of Married Friends

Its a nice idea to think that your relationships with friends who aren't married won't change once you've tied the knot. But in reality it does change and really it has to. Gone are the days when either you or your spouse can just head off to party & play with your single friends. A lot of people probably try to slide back into how things used to be, but find that its not so easy to fit back in. (I am sure there are those that manage, but really what kind of marriage would you have? Not that I'm judging, to each there own)

I found that while we still enjoy doing things with the few friends we have who aren't married, how often we actually do has dropped drastically. When we make trips into town for Dr's appts and to run our errands, my Hubby & I often decide last minute to go to a sit down restaurant and usually ring up my Hubby's best friend, who has a girlfriend, but still claims bachelorhood. And while one might think that he'd be a lot more flexible then we are, usually has plans. I honestly thought married life would be more planned out date nights and outings with friends, but since we have four kids finding a babysitter is so difficult. If we can't family to watch the kids, then our kids come with us. Which isn't always bad, but its nice to have a nice grownup evening out once in a while. Plus living at least two hours away from a decent place to go to the movies and to dinner, travel time kills it for us with local babysitters, who are mostly teens still in high school. So we try to go out when we already have plans to be in town, but that really does make for more last minute dinner plans then planned ones.

While we do last minute things and drag our kids along, I'm not so sure that our single friends enjoy us always wanting them to come hang out with us and our family. Especially if they are alone since we outnumber them and can make them feel awkward or if they bring a date, they may or may not like kids. I also find that conversations kind of lag with other adults when we have the kids. I mean when we're constantly telling the kids to eat their food or quit playing with it or don't touch your sister/brother. Its easier to plan ahead to hang out with our single friends, since we can arrange for a babysitter and plan to be just couples. Then no one feels left out or awkward at being the odd man out.

We still invite them to our parties, but they have to endure a party where kids are welcome most of the time and we tend to do less 'partying' since we have to be responsible for more then just us. I know a lot of single people who really live for partying and being able to drink to excess, which makes us no fun since we don't do that even when our kids aren't around. I think sometimes they feel we're boring and I often wonder what its like to be able to be so care free. I love being a mommy and wouldn't change it, but we're not as flexible about dropping whatever we're doing or not doing to run out to see a movie at 9 o'clock at night or go have a movie marathon all night long. We have to worry about kids getting enough sleep and trying to find a sitter for that kind of short notice is nonexistent.

We still try to include our friends, but we often go months in between get togethers because its just easier that way. We love our single friends and while we still love them, its a whole lot easier to hang out with our married friends, especially the ones with kids. So, don't let anyone fool you if they say nothing changes after you get married when it comes to friends, because in the end it really does happen and its usually the best to reevaluate & try something new.

Big Dreams

I have dreamed of being a writer for as long as I can remember. My 3rd Grade teacher, Mr Freeman, encouraged lots of writing and I found I had a knack for it. I loved it! Now my early stuff was pretty out there. I found a one that I wrote, a very sappy romance story, involving a bunch of my school friends. It was like reading a terrible soap opera. That bad. I have file folders full of stories finished and some not quite so much that range all the way to grade school. I save them for sentimental reasons, not that most are that great, but every writer starts somewhere, right?

I won a number of story contests as the years went by, something for which I was very proud of. In fact I received the first Ruby Freeman Award for Reading, Writing and Preservation of Literature (which was given by my beloved 3rd Grade Teacher in honor of his Mother), an award that there were two types of and only given for a few years. Unfortunately, they stopped because Mr Freeman felt that the award was not appreciated for what it was. Which was truly a tragedy. I will always feel honored that I received the first. There was a contest that touched on all the arts known as the Reflections contest and I won that a couple times. The one year, I believe I was in 7th grade and I made it as far as Regionals. It was quite the honor.

As wonderful as all these awards were, it was the writing I loved. I wanted to write a novel and hoped that I would be inspired to write one. Hasn't happened yet, but I still hope to. As I have now been out of school for 10 years, I don't write nearly as much as I used to. I still write here and there. I've actively participated in three years worth of Nanowrimo, but haven't yet met the goal number of  50,000 words. My plan is to make the goal next year. Its kind of a fun challenge. Last year I made it to about 25,000 words. I was so close it was exhilerating.

I started blogging about 3 years ago. Not only did I feel it was a great way to remember things like a journal, but I had this fantasy that my blog would be discovered and that readers would flock to read what I had to say. That I would be found to be funny, entertaining and inspiring. I still enjoy to blog, but I've found that I fill those shoes very little. Perhaps I should compare my writing style less to other blogs I read, but its human nature to do so. I find I'm not as funny and clever as I thought. I have very few consistent readers. Hardly anyone comments. I guess I really should be glad I have found a way around my writers block. Its hard since I went into this with such high expectations and dreams. I wanted someone to tell me that I should write a book. I wanted a stranger to tell me that. Silly, huh?

I know I shouldn't set such stock in being disappointed. I should write because I love to and I want to remember the memories of my kids growing up. I want my family who doesn't live close to hear the funny stories. I want a place I can vent and not be afraid of judgment. I shouldn't care if I have 2 readers or 200 readers. I should write to write. But that writer in me wants to be awknowledged. To be rooted on and in my writer's vanity, be told I'm amazing and entertaining. As a writer I am so freakin' vain.

I want my dream. Is it so silly that a 27 year old wants her dream? I know all of this really goes back to a few things that are not writing related. They are about me, about the me I keep hidden. In check. I have written for so long as a means to hide the fact that I don't have very many friends and don't seem to be able to make friends easily. I don't want people to know that I'm scared to talk to new people. I literally have a phobia of calling people, it doesn't matter if I know them or not. I will drag out calling someone, in order to avoid it. I've been told that I'm not well liked, for whatever reason I scare people away. Perhaps I try too hard. I've used writing as a means to hide the real me and keep the pain at bay that don't socialize.

I've used my healthy issues to hide away, all but becoming a recluse. I yearn to have friends to do things with, to have excuses to leave my house. But I don't. I hide in my house. I am the epitomy of a recluse. I write and hide. In fact just this morning I wrote a letter on Facebook to a bunch of the women who are my friends online, hoping to start a monthly craft day in the New Year. To force myself out of my house, my comfort zone and make friends. Get to know these people I claim to be friends with. I'm certain most will find reasons it won't work. I kind of feel sad and pathetic. I had to write a letter to ask people to let me get to know them. Writing this makes me want to cry. I hate my limitations.

So I write. I escape. I pretend. I evade. I write to the universe, because I don't even dare hope that someone will actually read this. I still dream big. I dream I'll be inspired and write a book that will truly wow the world. I want to be that writer. I want to touch people's lives. Share a piece of me. Be remembered rather then fade away. I will fade because I feel alone. Because I am alone.

I'll keep writing my blog. I'll tell about the crazy things my kids have done. I'll write whatever comes to mind. I'll keep dreaming that I will be a writer. A writer that people want to read. I hope you don't think too badly of me for saying I'm weak. I'm a writer and I dream big.

Complications, That's Me!

Surgery. I know that's a word I've used a lot on here this year and I'm sure you're just as tired hearing it, as I am. Unfortunately I'm not as healthy as I would like and at 27 years old, I feel far older then I should. I have hopes that my year of surgeries has done more then just make my family exponentially poorer, that perhaps, perhaps its actually making progress to making me healthier. There is nothing more upsetting and frustrating then being reasonably young and being sick enough that I cannot enjoy my amazing little family. We went through hell and back again to get each of our beautiful kids here, and I feel I'm missing out on everything.

I feel like a horrible Mom, and although everyone tells me its not my fault, I feel somehow it is. That some how I have failed my kids by not being healthy and feeling up to being involved with everything. I haven't had the energy to take them to the park (which is now conveniently down the street from us), no energy to play on the floor, and really if I have no energy for those, then where do I muster up the energy to even get out of bed? If someone has the answer to that one, I am all ears. Aside from being a Chronic Migraine sufferer, I was diagnosed with Endometriosis when I was 12 and was officially verified when I was 21. Both of which have brought their own set of challenges. While the migraines I can only hope to cut back just how frequent they are and how bad they are by taking daily preventative medicines & pain meds for onset. With Endo, the only sure fire way of being rid of the troubles that come with it are to have a hysterectomy, which for those of you who have been following me for a while know I had six weeks following Fallon's birth. Though it was only a partial (my Dr left both of my ovaries) so that I wouldn't have to go into Menopause at 27 and worry about all the issues that come from that.

It seems however that my body had other plans and in September (4 months following my hysterectomy) we discovered a 5CM cyst on my right ovary. My Dr surmised that all the cramping and pain in my abdomen since my surgery were the results of my body freaking out more or less & causing multiple cysts to form and burst. The best option was to go in and remove the 'Problem Child' ovary, and hopefully be able to move on with life. During that procedure, not only did they definitely decide to remove my ovary since it had all but twisted in on itself, but that I had 3 hernias. Two of which I'd probably had for a very long time and were smaller and the third was an incisional hernia caused by pregnancy & multiple abdominal surgeries. Eventually they would need to be taken care of, but I wasn't in too much of a hurry. Although my regular Dr felt otherwise when I began complaining of abdominal pain a few weeks later.

So off I went to see a general surgeon, who agreed that two of the three needed to be repaired and the sooner, the better. I'm thinking all this time that things are getting expensive, but at this point we should have met my out-of-pocket for the year. I scheduled what I hoped was my final surgery for the year (for a very long time, if ever) for the 30th of November. This was the best date for us since it fell on a weekend that my husband could arrange to be home all weekend and didn't have to worry about work til the Tuesday following. We made arrangements with our Reserve Unit, since it fell on Drill weekend, to make it up later in December and made arrangements with my parents to take the kids for the weekend.

Everything worked out well and the soon surgery day was upon us. There had only been one catch: we hadn't hit out of pocket and since we had some outstanding bills with the hospital (even though we were making payments), they required either the outstanding amounts paid in full or what my responsibility for this procedure to be paid in full. Luckily, I was able to have access to some of my inheritance money from my Grandma's passing to cover what I needed to do my procedure. It was really hard to ask for help and know that instead of going to something fun, it was going to surgery. I really did need the surgery.

The day of my surgery arrived. I went in just like I had for so many other surgeries and aside from some butterflies in my stomach, things were going great. I was taken back into the OR and I was asleep before I knew it. When I woke up however, was when I began to discover that things had not gone as planned. When my Dr had gone in with the camera to decide where was best to place the laproscopic insicions, he discovered that my one remaining ovary had such a large cyst on it that it had completely displaced it and the area around it was full of blood clots. Essentially it was a mess. He immediately got on the phone, called my OBGYN up and told him he needed him to come in right away. After the two Dr's discussed the options, they consulted with my Hubby over the phone and all agreed that it was best to remove my ovary. They could drain the cyst and remove the clots, but my OBGYN felt that the cyst would start growing back right away and that within three months I'd be in worse shape then I was already in.

I awoke to a great deal of pain, a huge incision that goes up the middle of my belly and no ovaries. I guess it could have been worse, I could have had massive bleeding or even died, but its been hard to process because nothing went as planned. I'm partially glad that I don't have to worry about cysts anymore or my Endo growing back, but I do get to deal with all the Menopause stuff and the hot flashes started yesterday (boy do they suck!). My recovery is going to be a lot longer, but its nothing I can't handle. Its kind of one day at a time. I want to feel better. I want to be a good mom and play with my kids. I just have to work up to that. I have to get better in order to do all that. I hope my kids will forgive me for being the broken Mommy and that soon I can show them I can be the fun Mommy.

I'm going to try, once again, to spend more time blogging. I have loads of down time for the next 8 weeks at least, I really don't have the excuse to not blog. I love blogging, but maybe this is being too picky, I miss hearing from people. I kind of feel like I'm writing to myself, which isn't a bad thing. I get jealous of other blogs, where each post has 30 responses. I wonder if I'm boring. Or is it just I don't blog consistently enough to keep people interested. I guess I'll never know, but if I keep trying maybe more people will come.