Why the Self Torture?

Tonight I'm a hormonal mess. I'm pregnant and just straight up hormonal anyway. So why is it that anytime someone mentions a family's sad story in the blogging world I feel the need to read all about it. I read and weep with these families that I don't know, but mourn their losses with them. I bawl and pray that I'll never see such a day, but fear rises that what if we're going to be one of those families? I worry so for this new little life I carry. I know this is the last one for us and I can't imagine anything going wrong and yet I'm afraid of it. I'm sure I'd find a way to manage just as all these amazing families do, but I plead with Heavenly Father to spare me that pain. Miscarriages are hard enough, I can't imagine losing one of my kids. Anyway, sorry for the rant from the pregnant lady at 1213AM my time, I guess I needed it. I know that I'll keep reading these various stories  and cry alot. I'll keep going through this self torture. I'm not sure why I do it. I tell my husband every time I read these I don't know why I do, knowing I will fall apart. Anyway, goodnight all. Tomorrow will be easier.