Why the Self Torture?

Tonight I'm a hormonal mess. I'm pregnant and just straight up hormonal anyway. So why is it that anytime someone mentions a family's sad story in the blogging world I feel the need to read all about it. I read and weep with these families that I don't know, but mourn their losses with them. I bawl and pray that I'll never see such a day, but fear rises that what if we're going to be one of those families? I worry so for this new little life I carry. I know this is the last one for us and I can't imagine anything going wrong and yet I'm afraid of it. I'm sure I'd find a way to manage just as all these amazing families do, but I plead with Heavenly Father to spare me that pain. Miscarriages are hard enough, I can't imagine losing one of my kids. Anyway, sorry for the rant from the pregnant lady at 1213AM my time, I guess I needed it. I know that I'll keep reading these various stories  and cry alot. I'll keep going through this self torture. I'm not sure why I do it. I tell my husband every time I read these I don't know why I do, knowing I will fall apart. Anyway, goodnight all. Tomorrow will be easier.

9 Week Pregnancy Survey

How far along? 9 weeks and 1 days (as of 9/23)
Total weight gain/loss: I've jumped around already. I've lost and gained and lost some more. I have no idea where I stand at the moment, but I have an appt next week.


Maternity clothes? I've kind had to be in them since early on.

Stretch marks? Just old ones.


Sleep: All the time. I have no energy and so I catnap all day long some days.


Best moment this week: I got to see my sweet little baby on US on Tuesday and it has a beautiful heartbeat!


Movement:Not yet

Food cravings:Plain ruffle chips and yogurt w/fresh strawberries & granola


Gender: Not until November

Labor Signs: Heck no


Belly Button in or out? Its still an innie


Wedding rings on or off?Since I'm doing home IV therapy I have my puffy days, so all I can wear is my engagement ring, but not for long.


What I miss: Not feeling like everything is coming back up and being exhausted all the time

What I am looking forward to:
Feeling better. I'm tired of being sick.

Weekly Wisdom:Eat what you can, when you can and don't be afraid to call the Dr if you can't keep anything down

Milestones: I'm nine weeks and still going strong! Go super strong baby!

Where Has My Energy Gone?

I apologize for my lack of posting lately and I have a sinking feeling it will be sporadic over the next while. Every day I ask myself, "Where has my energy gone?" And honestly I have no clue. I've done the pregnancy thing three times before this one and I don't remember ever being so tired. I get up in the morning start an IV bag, since I'm doing home IV therapy, get my kids up, change diapers and feed them, before I let them loose. I lounge on the bed while they play, I have no energy to chase my amazing kids around these days. I can't decide whether that makes me an awesome mom (in there eyes) or a horrible mom (in everyone else's). I still get up and talk to them, and help them with whatever they need; some days I'm up more and other days, I try to  confine myself to my bed. I'm just so darn tired. And I hate it.

I feel lousy and I feel even more so knowing my kids are suffering for it. I'm hoping this fatigue and all day sickness end soon. The Dr says hopefully within the next few weeks as I reach the end of first trimester I should start feeling better as far as morning sickness goes, who knows about the fatigue. I won't mind being done with my IV stuff, its a nuisance. I get on my computer so little and when I do I have so little energy to post anything. I hope to get on here a little more often, but it all depends on my energy levels. Bear with me, as I move through first trimester. Tomorrow I'll start posting about my pregnancy, but tonight I'll leave it at this. I miss writing and I miss all of you!

A Surprise

Rhiannon is going to be a big sister in April 2012!

That's right, we're due April 27th, which comes as a great relief to me that we are finally pregnant. I was worried after the last two miscarriages, but this pregnancy seems like its going to stick. We've already seen the cute little 'Bean' and it has a nice heartbeat. (Much to my relief!) Although my due date is in April, my Dr won't let me go past 35 weeks which is March 23rd, due to how close my two pregnancies are and the fact I had a C-Section. I guess there is the risk of the incision splitting open with my contractions and putting the baby's and my life at risk. And with that being said, this pregnancy is the our last. My Hubby and I feel that this will complete our family, so I'll be having a hysterectomy 6 weeks following delivery as long as they have no emergency need to remove it sooner. We are both excited and nervous. I have to admit, although I know its the right and best thing for us to do, the idea of the hysterectomy and having no more babies that way is both exciting and sad. It ends a phase in our lives and there's no going back. I'll be done having kids before I turn 27. It does mean I'll be a young Grandma and all our kids will be out of our house before I turn 50. More info and photos to come about the newest little member of our family.

What I’m Into

This idea came from two different blogs Arms Wide Open and she got it from The Outdoor Wife. Every month they dive into what they're reading, what they wants to read, what they're watching, listening, loving… all of it… for that particular month. It sounded like so much fun and would give a different feel to my blog. So here goes for the month of September.

What I'm Reading:

Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson

Dreaming Anastasia by Joy Preble

I want to start reading Tiger's Quest (Book #2 in Tiger's Curse Series) by Colleen Houck

 

What I'm Listening To:

I am guilty of having not loaded any music yet onto my new laptop, so there isn't anything to listen to for the moment. I do have plans to put whole bunch of movie soundtracks that are mostly instrumental like Pirates of the Caribbean, Harry Potter, Twilight, etc. But it requires some work in tracking it all down. I'll also add music by Tim McGraw, Toby Keith, Trace Adkins, etc. For a good mix. Maybe October I'll have a lot more fun stuff to listen to.

 

On TV:

We just recently had our dish shut off to save on money, so I can't watch anything on TV, but as my shows start airing their new seasons you can bet I'll be watching them intently on the web.

Bones is always at the
top of my list. I'm excited about the new changes that could bring a whole new vibe to the show. Can I just say how frustrating it is for a show to end on such a big drop and you have to wait months to see what happens next? Well Grrrr on the waiting.

 

The Vampire Diaries is also up on my list of things to watch coming up in the next few weeks. It also ended on quite the cliff-hanger, so I'll be excited to see what comes next with Elena, Stefan and Damon. Not to mention all the others.

 

And of course, you have to include Castle in my list of must watch shows this month. I absolutely adore Nathan Fillion aka Castle and I can't get enough of his snarky attitude. For those of you who watch are you just dying to know what's going to happen to Beckett? If you don't watch, then perhaps you should. ;)

 

In the Netflix Queue:

We do still have our Netflix acct, thank heavens otherwise I'd be bored to tears some days or rather nights. Seeing as once the kids go to bed, it's just me most nights while my Hubby is working.

Dr Quinn Medicine Woman Season 2- I used to love this show and still do as I'm rewatching a show from my childhood. I love the new adventures every episode. It's a great family show!

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves-a classic must have to watch. My Hubby and I will both enjoy watching this one together when given the opportunity to actually be awake together. Favorite line 'Why a spoon, cousin?' 'Cause it will hurt more!'-Sheriff of Nottingham

As You Like It-I'm a big Shakespeare fan and this is one I haven't seen, so I'm excited to see what it entails.

Cupid & Cate-a Hallmark movie, which I love most of these and I just have to fit one or two in when I can.

 

In Blogland:

This long awaited post by Megan @ In This Wonderful Life-Twins Slideshow. I've been looking forward to the birth of this amazing lady's twins following the passing of her sweet little boy last summer. Go Megan!

 

No Bake Smore Bars by Lorie @ Be Different, Act Normal look just to die for and are giving me cravings for the chocolaty goodness I should be avoiding. ;)

 

And just generally watching what my friend Sarah's responses are to 30 Days of Truth @ Benji Sarah and Max. She is so entertaining, I love it! Thanks Sarah for making my day!