Signature Sunday: It's All In the Pack

Almost no words need to be written about this picture. I told you crazy things happen at my house and that includes Daddy putting kids in his brand new ACU rucksack. If you think it's crazy that Aislynn, my 23lbs 2 year old is in there then I'll have to put up pictures later of Aidan, my 30lbs 3 year old riding in there too. My Husband has even talked, and I mean seriously talked, about talking our family for a walk around post toting one of my kids in his rucksack as a great way to workout. I think he's crazy, but whatever works for him and my kids sure seem to enjoy riding in there. Like I said I never know what 'Misadventures' are going to occur at my house. Come share them with me!

My Mother's Day

Although, I didn't have the kind of Mother's Day I would have hoped for my Hubby didn't forget about me either. The morning he left he sent me out to get us some breakfast bowls from the freezer in our garage. Sort of an Army style last date before he was off to his 'Big Adventure.' I headed out there and sitting on top of our deep freezer was this.....

and a very sweet card, which I didn't read until he had left. Probably a good thing cause I bawled the whole way through it, but it was so nice knowing that he hadn't forgotten me in all the craziness that is the life of getting ready to go away with the Army. He also called me this morning or rather yesterday morning at one of the few locations that he has reception to wish me 'Happy Mother's Day.' It was nice, but it was sad since he could only talk for a moment and I wanted more. But isn't that how it always is as a MilSpouse when your spouse is gone? We love whatever we get from them as far as communication goes, but its never enough and we'd do just about anything to have more. Then we get to deal with the uncertainty of when they'll call back and since my cell phone is on the fast decline (a very bad thing in this day and age) I can't even send him texts. Anyway, it really wasn't too bad of a day. Although I would have preferred something fancier for dinner than Tostinos frozen pizza, but with two picky toddlers and me, why make something fancy and expensive? There wasn't. So, maybe my Hubby will treat me out when he gets back? Happy Mother's Day.

Ambitious or Trying Too Hard

I can't decide whether I'm being ambitious and finding homes for things that have long needed them. Plus doing all that cleaning that one always puts off cause you just hate doing it or if I'm just trying way too hard to pretend I'm not here alone with my kids. My Hubby told me do some fun stuff. Fun stuff? With WHOM do I do fun stuff with? I know a select few people on post from Church and that's it. Most of the girls I know and hope/try to be friends with say I live too far away to bother coming to spend time with. (My guess is I'm really not much of a priority, they have other girlfriends they'd rather do stuff with.) Oh well I guess, can't really change that. So, I've been busy over the last 24 hours. I've unloaded about ten boxes that have been sitting in my garage and other various parts of my house needing to be put away. Now granted they aren't all put away but they've been compiled and narrowed down. Right now, I'm sorting my books because they are everywhere and I'm actually putting them in on our computer so I know what we have and they will sort them for me. I know I'm crazy, right? I'm lonely. Somebody come rescue me from my boredom! If not, my Hubby might come home and wonder whose house he's in!

I hope you all had a really amazing Mother's Day. Mine wasn't all bad. I didn't get anything fancy since my kids are 3, 2 and 9 weeks. We had Tostinos frozen pizzas for dinner and watched AFV. Exciting, huh? I know you are all amazing mother's and you all deserve the best. I hope you got it. Love you all!

My Mother

 

This is my Mom (and well, my Grandma too), but my Mom is so amazing. I don't know what I would do without her. She lives a couple hours from us, which I guess compared to alot of you isn't bad at all, but its still a distance for her to come visit. But my Mom always makes time in her schedule at work when I have a baby to come and help me for a week, she couldn't after Aislynn, but she sent my sister and brother in her place then came for the weekend. She wasn't able to come right away after Rhiannon was born, which was ok since we had to wait three weeks to bring our little miracle baby home anyway, but the week following her homecoming my Mom was here helping me with everything. She made extra food to freeze so I had stuff to cook later and not stress, took my kids to do fun things and was just awesome. I love my Mom. I may not always tell her, but I do love her and am very glad she's mine. She'll be coming this next weekend to help me with my kids and give me a break in my long run without my Hubby. It will be much appreciated. So, here's to you Mom. I hope you have an amazing Mother's Day!

Our Early Celebrating

Had to celebrate the big '3' before Daddy left for his time with the Army this year and so this is us partying it up. We went to a local Spring Carnival at the elementary school, came back had a yummy bourbon chicken dinner, a very yummy ice cream cake, some presents and a light saber battle encompassed our night. I'd have to say it made for a memorable one for our kids.

 Daddy bought Aislynn her her own little light saber so that she didn't feel left out. It cost $3 at the carnival and made her night!

 

 My poor little pixie wasn't having very much fun. She was still suffering side effects from her shots the day before and didn't feel very good. She just wanted to be held and be held. I held her into the wee hours of morning.

Dance the Night Away

So I might die a painful death if my sweet Hubby finds out I have pics of him sort of dancing with the kids, but they are too cute to not show off. This is from our when we danced to our Country Dance Music for the WII as a family night activity. Every night since then Aidan wants to 'Dance.' Its too cute!

My Moment of Weakness

Shock. Gasp. I know, MilSpouses never have those. Ok, so those who aren't MilSpouses assume that we don't because we are expected to be brave ALL THE TIME and keep our break down moments to ourselves. Here is mine. So, my Hubby is gone. Off to an undisclosed location for an undisclosed amount of time and I'm really not doing well. Of course I'll put on the tough face for everybody, but I have to tell somebody (even if its those of you I don't know) that I'm not all that tough.

You know when 'shit hits the fan' its usually alot and not alittle. Well, that would be the case for me right now. Between having just had a D&C and still struggling to recover & therefore take it easy or as easy as one can with two toddlers & a newborn, and some pretty hefty debilitating migraines I've been feeling alittle under the weather. Then just before my Hubby left we ran into some financial issues that were unexpected and now I'm like doubly stressed.

I know I can handle all this, I mean I've done the deployment before and several ATs, including the one that I delivered my daughter sans my Hubby (in true Military fashion), but honestly to me each one of these Military events is its own stress and a new time to struggle to be the 'tough' Army wife that seems expected of me. (Which by the way I hate the stereotype! Just saying) With all of this going on and him leaving I feel this sudden overload of stress and responsibility, and honestly I crashed. I shut myself in our bathroom, sat in the tub with the curtain closed and bawled my eyes out. (I am not ashamed to admit it) I needed to vent everything I'd pent up for who knows how long.

I feel inadequate to take care of everything. That includes my three kids. Sometimes I hate that I am responsible for so much even when my Hubby is here, but that's how things work. Yet I feel so overwhelmed and I feel so lost. Another problem that is weighing on me is that I feel lost without friends. I've been trying to set up a Girl's day while my Hubby's gone, but I really don't have friends and certainly no one who wants to come spend time with me. With my health being as it is and now the money issues its better I stay close to home, but of course no one wants to come 'way out' to where I live. It's been a really touchy subject for awhile and I don't know what to do. I can came across as a very confident individual, but really I'm just a really good actress. A Really good actress.

Sometimes I need to be just a woman. A woman like any other.  Who cries when she's sad. Who yells when she's angry or feels like she's been misjudged or mistreated. Who's happy about the simple joys of life. Sometimes I just need to be Human. So, here's my moment. Ok, I'm done. I can be this superhuman that people think I am. ;)

Am I alone in what I'm feeling? I don't know, maybe I am. Honestly, I guess I write this pretending that people read this, that I'm actually an entertaining writing, but I think I just need a place to write words and feelings. It is nice to hear that I Matter to someone, even if I don't know them. Ok, I feel a lot more calm. I hope I haven't bored you to tears and if I have just skip this post, I'll have a fun one later today with pics of my cute kids. This was just something that needed to be written.